My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
