That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
