my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
