Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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