I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
