People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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