We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
