I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
