Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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