her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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