wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
