Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
