is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
