I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you would pick up someone in the library
i wish my penis had a tongue
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
