The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
