Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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