Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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