I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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