i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize