There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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