I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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