sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
