Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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