i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
