I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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