Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
