Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
