I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
