Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
