It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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