Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
