If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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