i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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