Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
