there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
