so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
