Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
