Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
