Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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