Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
