I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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