NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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