I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
