On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize