Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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