if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
