Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
