Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize