There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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