What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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