This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
