Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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