some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
