im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
