I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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