Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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