I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize