sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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