I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
