if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
