I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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