Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
