And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
