you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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