You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
