Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
