You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
