I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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