Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
